The Other Pavan Sister

I spent my whole life up until the age of 22 known not as Rebecca Pavan but "Sarah's sister." As many younger siblings can attest to, this can be rather irritating when entering a new school your older siblings have already conquered. For me this extended past a few teachers who had taught my sister before me. My curse, as a no name sibling, extended into a community of people across a country.  Many of you may know my sister, but for those of you who don't a brief history... Sarah is exceptional in every way. From being academically gifted to beautiful, she is in her own league. Most notably though she has been on of the best volleyball players in the world for most of her life. 

Growing up I was not an athletic specimen. Try as I might, I could not manage to coordinate my skinny, lanky limbs to do what I wanted. Regardless, I was entered into every sport my sister was. Instead of making the rep teams...I remained in house league. Finally when I was 12 I was allowed to start volleyball, my family's favourite past time. Although my family still questioned if it was safe for me to be attempting anything requiring fine motor movements, I loved the sport immediately. I relished in pulling on my turtle shell knee pads, over my knobby knees and warming the bench while cheering on my new friends. After middle school things began changing quickly. I became less "Bambi on ice" and slowly became one of the top Canadian volleyball recruits committing to Kentucky.

Despite my success I never felt as though I was  good enough. All my accomplishments paled in comparison to what my sister was able to do. While I was proud of her, I found it difficult to navigate who I was while I was being told I was someone based on my family. I was often portrayed as jealous, insecure, the "less talented sister" and a Pavan. What really was true? I was struggling to know my identity outside of my connection to my famous sibling. 

Fast forward to 2012 entering my first season abroad. When my teammates began asking about my life and family I was shocked to find they had no flicker of knowing in their eyes when my sister, and the fact the she too played volleyball, entered the conversation. It was like unexpectedly bursting through the surface to suck in fresh air for the first time, when I hadn't even realized I had been drowning. For the first time in my life I was Becky. No strings attached. No expectations. No assumptions. 

The last four years have changed me. I know everyone says this after experiences of living abroad. Just like everyone else who will annoyingly say this, I claim my epiphany is different from all the rest. Everyone who moves abroad is granted a different type of freedom. The freedom to do as one wants, to assume a new identity or simply adopt an new sense of adventure. My experience granted me the freedom to be the me who was always there, hiding in the shadow of a family reputation that trumped all. I can now say more strongly that ever that I am unbelievably proud of my sister and her ever growing list of accomplishments, I love my family and everything they do for the volleyball community and I love myself just for being me. The sport that once caused me so much anxiety is also the thing that set me free.