February Blues

From our last home game where we won 3-0

When I played in Kentucky I had a lot of ups and downs. There were challenges that felt like too much at the time and I struggled to stay afloat some months.  This was all normal. Everyone has tough moments and hit walls in life sometimes. When the challenges pile up and it becomes hard to breath, I was lucky that I always had someone to turn to and pull me back into the light.

The last five years I have found a pattern in the down moments. Every February, without fail, seems like a black hole of winter, clouds and cold. I have come to realize that February is the hardest month to make it through. What I failed to realize, was why depression hit every February. While living in Poland it's easy to blame the lack of sunlight. When 90% of the days are cloud covered, the lack of UV light and vitamin D can be a struggle. The problem is, the blues hit in France as well, where I lived in the south and the sun made an appearance almost every day.

Typical cloudy day in Poland

My conclusion is that there are a number of reasons associated with living abroad and playing volleyball that make February into a mental marathon. The first is that all the major holidays are so far away. The magic of  Christmas and New Years Eve seem like they happened ages ago and Easter is seemingly miles away. For any Valentines enthusiasts it could be easier, but not being a Cupid fan puts a damper on that "holiday." With endless winter and no celebrations, February is a sad and boring month.

Next is that playoffs seem like they will never come. Professional volleyball is like a giant tournament that lasts months. Everyone is working hard every day to reach the playoffs. I'm not saying that we don't enjoy the ride to get there, but when February hits all the hard work you've been putting in seems like its for nothing. The goal you are striving for is still weeks away, but that seems like forever. The games ahead have added importance, as for many teams it's make or break. This added pressure alone makes February stress filled. The push to be better, faster and maintain your highest level is a mental workout. Luckily we are trained to tackle this hurdle and find motivation among our teammates, staff and supporters.

From my mom's unplanned visit last February

The third problem with February really is that winter can seem endless. Just when there are two days of teasing mild weather, cold hits and snow falls from the sky.  What makes things worse is that all my beach friends are jetting off to warm destinations to play in the sand, catch some sun and work on their tans. While I seem to be fighting a losing battle and becoming transparently pale, many of my friends are bronzed and donning Oakley sunglasses.

The last, probably most obvious reason why February is the hardest month, is that there are no visitors to look forward to seeing. By February most visits have already happened and there are no more coming. With the exception of my mother's emergency visit last season. The next time you have hope of seeing family is when you return home. But all these reasons never make me want to be any place else. February is the worst month no matter where in the world you live. So, why would I want to be any place else? I am "working" in Europe, doing what I love and I am thankful for that. I will continue to find ways to shake the February blues and before I know it March will arrive and spring will bring warmer days.